I've been thinking a lot about all the different people in my life and how they have all affected, and effected me. Meaning emotionally and also in my social environment. I was thinking of one friend in particular the other day, Anthony. He was 15 when I met him in Hollywood. Stoned, buzzed and most likely spun. He told everyone he was 18, I don't know if he told anyone else his real age, or why he decided to fill me in on it. I got along well in the group we were in, then again we were all anxious teenagers, wanting to rebel and be as anti-authoritative as we possibly could. We wanted to drink, smoke and walk down Hollywood blvd yelling and making tourists and everyone around us feel uncomfortable. Several of the kids I would always be with were squatters including Anthony. He always worried me, I knew what he was doing, and how he was doing it and I knew that one day I would never see or hear from him again.
This is why I'm writing about him, It's been a year now and I haven't heard from him. I remember several times he jumped a freight train to who knows where. Every time I would see him I could see the way the world was changing him. Even though he always had a smile on his face I could see all the horrible things he had gone through in his beautiful blue eyes. He was a good friend, he always took care of me, and I did the same for him. I remember for a while I let him crash on my couch because he had no where to stay, and being the person I am I couldn't let him sleep on the cold ground. It's funny, my mom was even the same way, she could see the sincerity in his eyes too, and he wasn't the only friend I did that for. Even though he led such a disastrous and self destructive life, he was a good person, and a great friend. Someone who I can never forget about.
I remember another time, this old Hispanic lady was walking around trying to sell some gold earrings. She had them wrapped in a napkin and cupped in her hands. She kept going up to people trying to sell them these earrings that she most likely loved and owned for a long time. I walked up to her and asked her what she was doing. I could see the sorrow in her eyes, they were puffy and red, and she looked worried, desperate and scared. She told me that she was behind on rent and couldn't afford it. She didn't know what else to do except to try and sell the earrings. I don't know if she was either an incredibly good liar or in extreme despair. But I felt this woman was in need, and so I gave her some of the money I had on me and walked away. I think about this woman randomly and can still feel the grief I saw in her eyes, I always wonder what happened and if she worked everything out.
It makes me wonder about my own life, whenever I have needed something it came to me. Someone said the other day that the only way we can really get what we want is if we see the opportunity and seize it. I guess that's what I do, and life always presents these opportunities at the right time so everything always works itself out in a strangely perfect way. It's nice because I have learned to live my life positively, to be able to take a deep breath and accept things as they come is a skill most people can never develop, to be able to get up every morning go to work, to school and still have time to relax, meditate and do some yoga, to take in the sun and enjoy the beautiful things in life even if something is stressing me out, to be able to find happiness even when I feel lonely, to be able to pull myself off my feet and take it one day at a time, to go with the flow of life, and to be able to be myself and not give a fuck what people think.
Among other things buzzing around in my head, I have 2 almost finished pieces that are going to be in the next show coming this October on the 15th. I'm really excited about it of course and I can't wait for it! I'm still deciding which pieces I'm gonna put up, but I wanna go with the creepy Halloweenie theme.
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.
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